We have all heard about women in Israel being stopped from attending the funerals or burials of their loved ones. Yet, it is clear that in Talmudic times and during much of the Middle Ages women took part in funeral processions. This article focuses on the development of the tradition for them not to attend funerals and the reasoning behind it. 1
The Early Sources
It says in the Jerusalem Talmud Sanhedrin 2:3 (see also Babylonian Talmud Sanhedrin 20a),
Certain texts say: “Women walk in front and the men behind them.” Other texts say: “Men walk in front and women behind them.” Those who believe women walk in front, is because women are the cause of death in this world. Those who believe men walk in front, is out of respect for the daughters of Israel, so that [the men] can’t watch the women [walking].
Similarly, in Avot de-Rabbi Natan (version 2, 2:9), we read, “Why do women walk before the coffin? For they say: ‘We caused death to come here.’”
From the above sources, it is clear that women took part in funeral processions, with the only question being whether they should walk in front or behind. The custom of having the women walk behind is explained as being due to modesty. The custom of having the women walk in front is explained as being due to the sin of Eve, who, by eating the forbidden fruit and giving it to Adam, caused death to be a part of this world. Either way, it is clear that women did participate, which brings up the question: What is the origin of the shift from participation to non-participation?
Tractate Berakhot (51a) states the following:
Rabbi Joshua ben Levi said: “The Angel of Death told me three things:
- Do not take your cloak from the attendant in the morning and put it on.
- Do not let someone who hasn’t washed his hands wash your hands
- Do not stand before women when they are returning from [handling] the dead, because I am dancing in front of them, sword in hand, and I have permission to do harm.”
If one comes across [these women], what should one do? Jump four cubits away. If there is a river— cross it, if there is another road— take it, if there is a wall—stand behind it, and if none of this is possible, he should turn his head back and recite (Zechariah 3:2) “God said to Satan – God will admonish you…” until they have passed.
Again, one sees here that women were involved in the burial rituals in some form. However, there is also a fear of some sort of danger present among women who have dealt with a corpse, and the Talmud warns men to avoid them. The onus, here, is on the man. There is no sentiment that women should not be at funerals.
In a more comprehensive articulation of the above matters, the Zohar (Exodus, va-Yakhel, 194b), states,
Rabbi Simeon said: “Truly most people in this world do not die before their time, except for those who do not know how to protect themselves. For at the time when a corpse is brought from his house to the cemetery, the Angel of Death can be found among the women. Why among the women? For this is his way from the time when he seduced Eve and through her caused death to be part of the world… He has permission to kill people; he looks in the face of those he sees on the way to the cemetery and on the way back… How can one avoid this? When the corpse is being brought to the cemetery, the men should turn their backs and let the women walk behind them. If [the women] walk in front, [the men] should walk behind them so as not to look at them face to face. And when they are returning from the cemetery, they should not return on the same road upon which the women are returning, and they should not look at the [women] at all. But since people do not know this, and give no thought to it, most of the world is caught in this judgment and pass on before their time.” Rabbi Elazar said: “If so, it would be better if men didn’t attend to the dead [at all]!” [Rabbi Simeon] responded: “No! Since a man who protects himself in these situations is fit for a long life, and even more so for the ‘World to Come’.”2
The Zohar, in its usual elegant style, has combined the Jerusalem Talmud text about women being the cause of death in this world with Rabbi Joshua ben Levi’s statement about the Angel of Death in a unique synthesis. According to the Zohar, the Angel of Death is found among the women because their involvement with the corpse “reminds” God of Eve’s sin and causes Him to allow the Angel of Death to execute summary judgments against anyone he looks in the eye.
However, it is important to note that, even in the Zohar, the onus is still on the men to avoid either walking with the women during the funeral procession or looking the Angel of Death in their midst face to face! 3 There is no practical difference between the Talmudic passages and the Zohar and no mention of women not being permitted to attend funerals. The Zohar merely crafts a coherent mystical explanation to tie the two passages together.
Rabbi Joseph Karo
This general trend to understand the “danger” of funerals to men changes with Rabbi Joseph Karo (1488–1575). In the Beit Yosef, his commentary on the Tur, he writes (Yoreh De’ah, 359):
In the Zohar, Parshat va-Yakhel, the following is written: “Women should be prevented from going to the cemetery, because if they go they cause injury to the world.” Hence, it is proper to stop them.
Rabbi Karo goes on to concretize this in his Shulhan Arukh: “One should prevent women from going to the cemetery behind the coffin.”
This momentous decision to prevent women from attending funerals at all, as opposed to just having them walk in front or in back, is seconded by such eminent authorities as Rabbi Moses Isserles, Rabbi Mordechai Jaffe, Rabbi Joel Sirkes, Rabbi Joshua Falk-Katz, and Rabbi Shabtai Cohen, all citing the Beit Yosef’s “paraphrase” of the Zohar as the source, despite the fact that it is the complete inverse of what the Zohar actually says!
This problem was articulated best by Rabbi Johanan ben Meir Kreminitzer in Oreh Mishor (pub. 1691/2), his commentary on the Darkhei Moshe ha-Arokh of R. Isserles:
Our teacher is following the Beit Yosef, after whom all of the recent authorities have followed. I am totally astonished, for the Zohar does not at all say what the Beit Yosef claims it does… 4 The fact that the Beit Yosef and all the recent authorities who have followed him did not pick up on this is completely bewildering.
The Aharonim (Later Authorities): Four Models
Having made the essential distinction between the onus being on the women and the onus being on the men, one can distinguish four main models, the first two banning women from funerals and the latter two allowing their attendance:
Women should be banned to protect men from danger
An example of this is the custom of Safed, mentioned by Rabbi Abraham Adadi (Tripoli 1801-1874) in his Va-Yikra Avraham (p. 126b):
I can testify that in the city of Safed, not only do women not join the procession at all, either in front or in back, but for every procession there is an attendant who walks before the coffin and calls out in a loud voice: “Mitzva! Mitzva!” All the men who hear his voice come to join the procession, but all the women who are at a place in the market close to where the coffin will be carried, or in their gardens or outside their yards [leave and] go far inside, as if fleeing from a serpent. 5
It is fascinating to see how the original custom of the Talmud and the Zohar has been totally reversed. Now, instead of the men jumping aside, the women are jumping aside. Further, the women are banned from attending the funeral altogether, something that was not true for the men referred to in the Talmud and the Zohar. Rabbi Adadi himself suggested a compromise:
Recently, we announced a policy [of not allowing women to attend funerals] with all our might, with the exception of relatives, for this is impossible to accomplish, since they are very passionate [about attending their relative’s funeral] they pay no heed either to the announcement or the prohibition.
Women should be banned due to immodesty and decorum. 6
Rabbi Joseph Kapih (1917–2000), in his essay on Yemenite customs (Collected Writings, p. 922), states the following 7 :
[In Yemen,] women did not participate in funeral processions or burials at all. The procession was carried out with quiet dignity. The faces of the participants demonstrated acceptance and mourning, while their eyes expressed pain and sadness—a dignified and controlled pain, as is befitting a holy people.… But what is the situation—to our dismay—nowadays? Women pile in alongside the men with no decorum or restraint whatsoever, and they attend with their usual wild and shameful dress. They scream and shriek enough to deafen the ears, and they let no one hear the speech or the eulogy. They stage fainting in all sorts of poses, and “merciful” men run to “save”8 them, give them a hug, and stand them on their feet, as if to keep them from toppling and—Heaven forbid! —falling to the ground… If one has the nerve to shush them, they fall upon him as if respect for the dead were unimportant to him.
Rabbi Kapih here makes no mention of the Talmudic or Kabbalistic fears of death. He seems to be reinterpreting the older custom to suit his religious and social concerns, though there is no textual evidence that concerns about sexuality or decorum ever led to the exclusion of women from cemetery services in the past.
Men should be careful not to mix with the women or look at them (onus on the men).
An example is Rabbi Joseph Yuzpa Hahn Neurlingen (1570- 1637), in his Yosef Ometz (p. 327), 9
It is very important to separate from the women when they are going to and from the dead… and I heard that in Worms the men are accustomed to turn their faces to the wall when the women pass.
Women can attend funerals but should be careful not to mix with the men (onus on the women).
An example is Rabbi Aaron Berechiah of Modena (d. 1639) in his Ma’avar Yabok, (Siftei Ranenot 10), 10
It was announced with much force that women should not be seen with the men when they are going to the cemetery, and certainly not when they are returning.… It was told to me from a reliable person that the custom that has spread throughtout all of Israel and Babylon and the entire Eastern Empire, that first the men go, and attendents stand there who are in charge of separating out the women, so that they do not begin to go until all the men have passed. After the funeral the women remain about a quarter of an hour until the men have all left, and they wail over the deceased.
Conclusion
Rabbi Salem Isaac ha-Levi (Israel, d. 1973) in his responsa Divrei Hakhamim (Yore De’ah. 37), sums up the situation well: “What we learn is that whether women participate in the procession is a matter of custom, when and where. It seems that there is no prohibition.”
As we have seen, there is no early textual support for banning women from funerals either in the Talmud or the Zohar. The first authority to invoke this rule seems to have been Rabbi Joseph Karo. Some authorities, both Sephardic and Ashkenazic, followed him, and some did not, and the customs across the Jewish world varied. However, it is clear that the original custom in Talmudic and early medieval times was that women were an integral part of the burial process. Therefore, no woman should feel that the halakha forbids her from attending funerals, and women in our community should be clearly informed of this, especially when the funeral is in Israel and she might be subject to pressure from representatives of communities who practice differently.