I am a to’enet (female rabbinic advocate) in Israel. To’anot study for three intensive years to pass the six arduous exams required by the Beit Din in order to be licensed as a to’enet. After licensing, they may represent either a man or a woman in a divorce case in the rabbinical courts. During the last five years that I worked for Yad L’Isha, and now while working at The Center for Women’s Justice, I have only represented agunot and women who have long been refused a divorce by a recalcitrant husband.
When approached by a prospective client, I try to detect from the initial phone call whether the woman is an agunah and if her case meets our organization’s criteria. Then, I invite her into the office and conduct an extensive interview about her marriage, the crisis, her financial status, and her children. This usually takes at least two hours. I ask whether there has been a parallel or related court case initiated in the secular courts, and I request copies of all relevant documents, including protocols and decisions of prior secular and rabbinic proceedings, depositions from social workers, medical records, and police files regarding complaints of family violence.
Next, the woman and I review all her issues and complaints in an effort to determine which ones may serve as a basis for a rabbinic order against her husband requiring him to give a divorce. I also examine the evidence supporting her allegations. For example, if a woman alleges domestic violence, I check to see whether she has filed a complaint with the police, and if not, if she is currently willing to file such a complaint. If she has witnesses to her complaints, I note who they are and try to determine whether they are willing to testify before a rabbinic court. I also check whether the husband has committed adultery and, if so, what kinds of proof the woman has, and whether she has the financial means to hire a detective to track the husband’s movements for additional proof. I also inquire about other forms of undesirable behavior on the part of the husband, such as drug addiction, alcoholism, fits of rage, mental illness, and the use of various medications. Of course, we also discuss the couple’s marital relationship.
On the basis of the woman’s allegations, I try to build a case that would provide the basis for a forced divorce under Jewish law. I examine the Shulhan Arukh, other Jewish legal sources, and most particularly, the Padarim (a collection of earlier rabbinic court decisions). I also check for the latest decisions from the rabbinic high court, which are of great importance. Since there is no documentation of these decisions, it is crucial to maintain a good working relationship with other to’anot, who work in this field and can share decisions and information.
It is essential that women are fully advised about what rabbinic courts will rely on, in the context of divorce cases. For example, I once had a terribly abused client, who was in denial about her situation and insisted on representing herself in the rabbinic court. In presenting her case, she was unable to distinguish between relevant and irrelevant material. She thought that the dayanim (rabbinic court judges) would be impressed by the fact that her husband brought home humus that lacked the haredi hechsher. (This actually appeared in the court protocol she brought me!) It took me a long time to get her to understand that the dayanim, despite their haredi appearance, were not really concerned with this issue. It was, however, very important for them to know that the husband had been jailed twice for violence against her, that he had been hospitalized for mental illness before their marriage, and had withheld this information from her, and that he insisted that she “immerse” in the bathtub rather than in a mikvah before resuming sexual relations. After hearing these arguments, together with appropriate documentation, the dayanim ordered the husband to give the woman a divorce. The humus issue was never raised again.
Preparation of a good argument by a to’enet is also critical and can save valuable time. A short time ago, I began working on a shocking case; an American woman made aliyah with her husband knowing no Hebrew (I served as translator for all sides in the hearings) and was in mortal danger from her husband. He was mentally ill and had repeatedly tried to kill her with a knife. While it was clear to me that this woman still loved her husband, I agreed to accept the case simply because I knew her life was in danger. I prepared a very strong argument for her case, which included veiled threats that if the husband refused to divorce her, she would show the court evidence of his criminal background in the U.S. and related jailtime. The husband was so stunned by the possibility of exposure that he gave a divorce at the first hearing (after lengthy negotiations over custody of the dog!). In this particular case, the dayanim immediately comprehended the threat posed by the husband. To their credit, they arranged the get on the same day.
As soon as a to’enet initiates divorce proceedings, she must immediately obtain a court order forbidding the husband from fleeing the country and leaving his wife an agunah. Currently, I am handling a case of a woman who has been refused a divorce for seven years. When the divorce proceedings began, she was represented by a very wellknown lawyer, who forgot to apply for an injunction forbidding departure from the country. The husband left the country four years ago and is currently living in Thailand. When the woman came to me, I recommended that she not apply for such an injunction while her husband was abroad, lest he fear visiting Israel. A few weeks ago, he arrived in Israel for a visit, and we surprised him with an injunction which the beit din issued on the spot. At the moment, the husband is “stuck” in Israel, and there is a good chance that he will agree to a divorce if only in order to leave the country.
A to’enet’s connections with the beit din’s administration are also very important. There is a special department in the court that finances investigators trying to locate missing husbands. It is the job of the to’enet to request the court to appoint an investigator, to whom she then transmits all relevant information that might aid the search. During the search, she acts as a liaison between the woman and the investigator, exerting pressure when necessary to speed up the process, and representing the wife when the husband is finally located.
It is also essential for the to’enet to be familiar with the panel of dayanim before whom she must appear. She must consider the evidence and the manner in which it is presented in light of the specific dayanim assigned to the case. There are dayanim known to drag out cases over years without giving decisions. In such a situation it is better to press for a quick decision, whatever it may be, and then appeal the decision to the high court. Some dayanim will never order a husband to give a divorce, but they are sufficiently powerful that they will frighten the husband into giving a divorce without a court order. There are some who permit the to’enet to argue the case, and others who prefer to hear directly from the wife. There are dayanim who permit the to’enet to argue the case fully, others who cut her off before she completes the first sentence. Those who cut her off quickly are generally the same ones who have not bothered to read the material she has submitted in writing. With those cases, one must develop tactics to transmit material very concisely. It is best to be prepared for the worst case scenario: Do not expect the dayanim to have read anything you handed in or to listen to you for more than sixty seconds.
Preparing the woman for the court hearings is very important. It is particularly important that there be complete understanding between the to’enet and the client in case it is necessary to make any decisions quickly during the hearings. While I have never recommended that a woman cry in court, I do give a number of “friendly suggestions.” Because one client, who has been denied a divorce for almost 20 years, often appears submissive and apathetic in court, I suggested on one occasion that she “let go” a bit and express her feelings in order to show the dayanim, who were new to the case, how difficult things were for her. The woman ended up “letting go” far beyond what the dayanim regarded as appropriate. She exploded in a flood of words in which she warned the dayanim that if her daughter should carry out her threat and commit suicide, as she has threatened, her death would be on their heads. The dayanim saw this statement as a curse and announced that they would not forgive her for her words. This poor woman, victim of the helplessness or incompetence of the rabbinic court for 20 years, was forced to apologize to the court.
Despite the tremendous difficulties, I believe that women rabbinic advocates and others active in this area can effect a real revolution in the area of Jewish religious marriage and divorce. Particularly because to’anot are women, are Orthodox, and possess the relevant knowledge of Jewish law, they have four special strengths which I would like to touch upon:
Empathy. When women represent women, and when they do so in the framework of a support organization devoted to protecting those women, there is great empathy between the professional and her client. This empathy strengthens the rabbinic advocate in her work.
Marginality. The woman advocate is marginal to the Orthodox establishment by virtue of her gender. When one is not part of the “men’s club” (which is particularly well developed in the rabbinic courts), not dependent on the establishment for a salary, and when the glass ceiling hovers so closely over one’s head, one appears weak, but is in fact strengthened by this very marginality. Often female advocates do not fear the people in power precisely because as women, they have so little to lose. A female advocate cannot be a dayan or a community rabbi, nor will she ever stand to “daven mincha” next to any one of the dayanim. Observing from the sidelines, she can more easily identify weaknesses, and can develop creative approaches to problems within the system.
Ideological consciousness. Many women who work in this field are extremely ideological. Some came to the studies with a declared feminist ideology, and their entrance into the profession was a deliberate step in advancing their goals. Ideology empowers the advocates and helps them take courageous steps against the Orthodox establishment.
Legitimacy to challenge accepted Jewish law. As opposed to other religious areas, in which there is no opportunity to challenge a ruling, in this area there is an obligation on the part of the advocate to argue with the dayanim and to challenge them whenever possible. The dayanim themselves affirm that an advocate fails in his/her work if s/he accepts a rabbinic ruling with a bowed head, without disputing it. This is obvious in a secular court, but there is an element of revolution and renewal when this occurs in a religious setting. The female advocate has an ethical obligation to constantly assemble all possible arguments and rulings in support of her position, and is trained to argue before the rabbis in a manner never before permitted to women.
In summary: to’anot have brought to the table a new critical vision which they will not compromise, refusing to waive either Jewish law or other elements of justice. Their insistence that there are reasonable halakhic solutions to protect Jewish women from iggun will be a decisive influence in the coming years, both on religious rulings and on the place of the courts in the religious and secular sphere. I am proud to be a to’enet.