The way that tzniut, modesty, is presented to girls in schools is critical to how it is perceived by them. There seem to be two general approaches. One is inner-directed, making modesty a matter of self-respect: it does not behoove a female to disrespect the holiness of her body by dressing inappropriately. The second approach is other-directed: one should not dress provocatively because it is insensitive to the men and boys with whom one comes into contact.
It is this second rationale that draws the most ire in Modern Orthodox day schools. The idea that girls must dress a certain way out of deference to their male peers, and that men should even dictate this significant form of self-expression, runs counter to their modern values. Many girls are unwilling to cover up simply to ease the way for their male counterparts, especially when there seem to be few parallel actions undertaken by men with respect to women.
Thus, it is obvious why the first explanation, personal self-respect, is more often articulated. It is more politically correct, more inspiring and more palatable to the female student; it does not require that girls tailor their behavior to accommodate the boys. The easier message to defend is that modesty is an inherent virtue, because our bodies are holy, created in the image of God, and private. After all, it’s the same reason we cover the Torah scroll.
But is this truly the logic behind tzniut? Is this even the logic behind the standard Modern Orthodox school dress code that typically mandates a minimum of knee-length skirts and short sleeves? And is this message of tzniut really internalized by the female student body? I would say that it is not. The self-respect rationale may be paid lip service, but few people really see it as the true reason for practicing tzniut. And although it may be easier to defend morally, it is a difficult rationale on which to base a uniform standard of modesty. Such an argument may make girls feel better about the halakha, but I don’t think it will make more girls keep hilkhot tzniut – the specific rules of tzniut.
I would suggest that most girls, whether they admit it or not, do not believe that the practical rules for tzniut are enforced in order to increase respect for the holiness of their bodies. Regardless of what is said, girls still associate dressing modestly with a male presence. After all, it is a more logical association. One can typically hear a girl complain, “Why can’t we wear tank tops during gym if it’s all girls?” On school Shabbatons, there are no regulations regarding sleepwear, because it will be seen only by females. Girls complain angrily when male teachers correct their lapses of school dress code, often asking, “Why was he looking?” All of these incidents indicate that girls understand that tzniut is about sexuality and the male gaze. Once the men are gone, it is no longer compelling.
Girls feel they should dress modestly out of deference to men, and the seeming unfairness of this decreases their respect for the halakha. Very few girls truly see a deeper or personal value in modesty. Therefore, enforcement of tzniut in school is met by resentment or bitterness, because the logic is deemed either sexist or apologetic. Given such a situation, it becomes clear why modesty is not a high value for many girls.
Obviously, girls also strongly relate clothing to looking attractive. Most girls do not care about tzniut, especially if it infringes on the main goal of looking attractive. Many of my friends understand that modesty is about not attracting male attention. But their goal in getting dressed is often precisely to attract male attention. If anything, perceiving the sexual basis for tzniut only reinforces a culture in which girls use dress to boost their confidence and garner response from the other gender. And of course the irony is that either way they are still dressing in response to men.
The difficulty lies in discerning whether these girls are correct in believing that self-respect is not the true reason for the laws of modesty. It seems a bit absurd to claim that modesty has nothing to do with male attention. Certainly, it is considered more inappropriate for men to see an immodest woman than it is for a woman to see an immodestly dressed woman. This is obvious. If Orthodox schools also claim halakha as the basis of their decisions, then it is clear that other issues, such as kol isha, 1 are solely male-dependent. Nobody believes that two women should not sing in front of each other.
Another argument against couching tzniut solely in terms of self-respect is that this approach also opens the door to a great deal of leeway. An objective standard ceases to exist. Any girl can judge for herself whether her outfit is degrading or inappropriate, and chances are that if a girl is wearing something, she probably doesn’t think it is degrading. Therefore, it would seem to be a very shaky ground on which to build a strong and lasting argument for a certain standard.
On a purely logical basis, it seems that the type of tzniut dealt with in the Modern Orthodox world is indeed in reaction to male presence. The established boundaries on the body (knees, shoulders or elbows, and cleavage) all relate in one way or another to sexuality. Although boys cannot wear jeans and must wear button-down shirts(orties), there is very little regulation in how casual or respectful a girl’s clothing must be. This difference alone seems to suggest that the male dress code is about creating a respectful learning environment and the female dress code is about not looking provocative.
But since when has halakha, with its rich history of development, ever been single-faceted? There is no reason the two values of self-respect and modesty need to be seen as competing. I believe that schools need to take a stand and integrate both values without apology. In doing so, we must move away from a focus on body boundaries and mere adherence to rules. Teaching tzniut needs to be about its inherent value. Anyone who has been in a Jewish high school knows that it is possible to look immodest within the parameters of an official dress code. A school that permits any knee-length skirt, regardless of how tight it is or how high the slit or how see-through the fabric, is not sending a message about what it means to respect your body. Schools should offer guidelines, as well as rules, and not be afraid to tell girls that they are dressed immodestly, even without pinpointing specific infractions. Girls tend to know what modesty looks like. Girls should not feel that it is acceptable to dress immodestly as long as they are technically within dress code.
If we truly want to establish modesty in dress and appearance in our communities, tzniut must be inculcated as a religious and spiritual value, for males and females, as a positive way to reclaim the holiness of one’s body and not just as adherence to rules. Then it might succeed.