I ’ve always enjoyed English language halakhah sefarim. There’s a certain peace that comes with clear descriptions of what is and isn’t allowed in a certain circumstance. It’s very calming. The Shabbat Guidebook for Parents has all of that calm joy, with the addition of some very heartfelt pastoral messages introducing and closing each section of the book. These are honest, open, and warm, and gave me the sense that the author really had experienced being “in the trenches” of those complex parenting moments.
This book is very much what I would have wanted to read when my first child was a baby. It lays out so many of the religious questions and concerns of those early days and years very clearly and with great openness. While erring on the side of stringency in many places, it makes parenting on Shabbat a clear, logical, and welcoming proposition. I did wish that it addressed the issue of particularly disgusting messes, as there are special halakhic permissions for getting rid of really disgusting things on Shabbat. Besides that, I can’t think of a single aspect of baby care that wasn’t addressed— including less common situations like cloth diapers on Shabbat (which I could really have used earlier on in my parenting journey).
I did find that it had less to teach me about the halakhic concerns of parenting slightly older children. The book contains a great deal about baby food, diapers, bottle feeding of formula or expressed milk, and the like, and less about how to prioritize different children’s tefillah education and experiences in shul. Older children do have fewer special halakhic needs, but it felt like a very dramatic shift.
The section addressing when children are sick or hurt on Shabbat was one of the exceptions to this critique — it was still just as relevant for my “big kids” as for my youngest. It’s also an area that has caused me no small amount of anxiety over the years, notwithstanding all the halakhah I already know. Something about those moments of stress makes it hard to rely on what you know; having it laid out cleanly in a book, in compassionate and yet matter-of-fact language, is reassuring and helpful. If I were to ask for an addition to this section, it would be to ask Rabbanit ThomasNewborn to include guidance on when telephone calls to your child’s pediatrician are permitted, and how to make that call. Since those calls ride the line between an emergency and not, it can be a tricky decision to make.
I noted in the margins of the book several times that the author makes a serious effort to truly see everyone—all kinds of kids, and all kinds of parents. Along with addressing all sorts of ways to feed a baby, from breastfeeding to pumped milk to various sorts of formula, she also includes a section about using assistive medical devices on Shabbat, and addresses kids with more complex needs throughout. The author’s pastoral voice is particularly clear and compassionate in those areas where observance can be difficult, such as putting away tablets for Shabbat. She makes the halakhic case with gentle firmness.
The flip side of her sense of inclusivity is that Rabbanit Thomas-Newborn tends to include halakhic positions that are less relevant to today’s realia, because they take up a significant part of the halakhic literature available. For example, in discussing disposable diapers, she addresses those that fasten with tapes first and in significant detail, and only afterwards discusses diapers that fasten with velcro, although I’m not sure that I’ve seen a tape-fastened diaper in the flesh in the decade that I’ve been a parent.
The additional sections in the end are a surprise gem, addressing specific yom tov issues and some of the thornier moments that are often relevant to parents, even if they aren’t specific to parenting per se. The guidance about returning to the mikveh after giving birth is better than most taharat hamishpaḥah guides that I’ve seen. These sections flesh out the book and turn it from a reference book into a true guide book.
All in all, I hope that the book is successful enough for a second edition in which the author can make those few additions and alterations that would take it from a fine book to a perfect resource.