My se’udah shlishit group was born about eight years ago on a long, summer Shabbat afternoon. My children were out and about, and I had already read, walked, and napped. I was restless. I had been reading a provocative book about the rabbinic treatment of women in the Talmud and I wanted to discuss it with someone. Unfortunately, no one else I knew was reading it. During the following week I called three women with whom I was friendly and with whom I thought I would like to share time and conversation. I invited them to join me for se’udah shlishit and to study Torah. Thus was born our “Women’s Se’udah Shlishit Group.”
We met that Shabbat. My friends were not interested in reading my chosen text, but they were interested in learning Torah and in meeting each Shabbat. All four of us are ba’alot teshuvah, married with children. Although we began with the objective of studying Torah every week, we soon discovered that we have disparate learning styles and interests; for example, two of us might prefer studying Rambam, and the other two might want to read the inspirational works of R. Akiva Tatz. Yet, despite the differences in learning styles and the lack of focus that sometimes results from our diverse learning goals, we are devoted to meeting every Shabbat.
For years, the four of us have also planned and implemented a women’s only Simhat Torah gathering for the larger community (we belong to three different Orthodox synagogues). Some years this has taken place in a sponsoring synagogue and other years in a member’s home. Each year we partake of the singular energy that is created when women gather to sing and dance together.
Currently, our weekly Shabbat learning is focused on what we call the “Torah of Life.” What began as a time dedicated to learning and visiting with each other has become something much deeper. Our friendships have deepened, our connections have expanded, and trust has been established. Se’udah shlishit has become the time when we bring our deepest spiritual questions to each other, discuss decisions regarding our lives as observant Jewish women (e.g., should we cover our hair or not?), and “debrief” the holidays (“How were your seders?” or “What was meaningful about Yom Kippur?”). It has also become the time during which we share our most joyous simhas and our greatest losses. We love singing together, but the focus of the group is ultimately a mix of talking, learning, and discussing.
We have found that se’udah shlishit is an ideal time to get together with other women. Shabbat is drawing to a close. The urgency has shifted from davening and serving guests to recognizing that the day will soon be over and each moment is precious. When the group first began, we took a break for the winter months, but now we meet all year, even though for some members, it is a 30 to 40-minute walk to the house where the Shabbat group is meeting that week. Recently, a community-wide women’s study group has been meeting around Minhah time. Some of us study in that larger group first, and then we migrate to whomever is hosting se’udah shlishit group that week. Once there, we often linger past the time of three stars. We stretch the intimate time that we have created within the bounds of Shabbat so that it, like the spices and light of havdalah, flows into the coming week.