There is a peace that comes over me whenever I light Shabbat candles. Whether or not I am expecting company or it is just my husband and me, whether or not it is those early four o’clock days or the late eight o’clock ones – everything stops for a moment and I take time to focus. I take time to think of my family and my friends. And I say a special prayer that the joy of Shabbat should continue through the rest of the week:
ועזרני להמשיך השמחה של שבת לששת ימי החול עד שאזכה להיות בשמחה תמיד
Help me to continue the joy of Shabbat to the other six days of the week until I merit to be in joy always.
Shabbat wasn’t always so serene. When my four children were little I worked hard to have them not think of Shabbat as a day of “don’ts” (no coloring, no TV, no records) but as something special. We would buy new books on Friday and eat together, and my husband and I would even act out stories – he made an excellent seller of caps as the children played the role of the monkeys! When they were older we would read the Shabbazines they would bring home from school and talk about the parasha. Older still, we would challenge them to discover what our teacher, Rabbi Bieler, focused on in our class on Parashat Ha’shavua. And oh—that wonderful day when they discovered reading and Shabbat naps!
Saturday morning was a particular challenge when I had small children. My husband would leave for shul and I would make the beds, set the table, get the food ready, dress the children and then myself, and try and make it to shul for Aleinu or, at the very least, Adon Olam. If I managed to do it all I felt extraordinarily accomplished. Something about going to shul made it feel like Shabbat; without it I felt a sense of loss. I realize that I have those same feelings today, maybe even more so. Now that I am free of child care responsibilities, I feel it is extremely important not only to be in shul but to be there at the start of the service. Though I do it for myself, I have come to realize that as a woman I am taken more seriously by both the rabbi and the men of the congregation if I come on time.
In a previous letter I wrote about how my mother would ask me on Sunday what I was cooking for Shabbat. As a 20-something, the question seemed crazy. Of course now I understand. And not only do I find myself thinking of food a week ahead of time, but I am also thinking of different people I would like to share a Shabbat meal with and I often find myself inviting company a month in advance. I love filling my Shabbat table with guests, inviting old friends and new acquaintances. I enjoy mixing older people with younger people, single people and married. Hearing the happy buzz around the table increases the joy of Shabbat. Many weeks it is my children and grandchildren who fill the seats at the table – sometimes one family at a time and at other times different combinations. And yes, sometimes my husband and I are alone – and that works too.
This issue of the JOFA Journal is full of personal stories from different Orthodox women about their Shabbat experiences. It is a wonderful compilation of thoughts and feelings. There are also excellent essays on the rituals of Shabbat – how they developed and how they evolved.
So take your time with this Journal. Read it this Shabbat and the one after.
And may the joy of your Shabbat continue throughout the week.