During three rounds of three-day yamim tovim this year, my husband and I had plenty of time to juggle the somewhat conflicting desires of tending to our young children, and at the same time trying to achieve a meaningful davening experience (and in some way attempting to expose our children to what a meaningful davening experience can be). We arranged our own babysitting for the extended davening of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. However, this is not an ideal which I would like to depend on regularly since it means my children do not get exposed to shul, and that shul does not become a family experience.
I therefore think shuls and communities need to put more thought into how to accommodate parents of young children. For this reason, my husband and I (in consultation with a few friends) have compiled the following checklist that rabbis and people grappling with this issue can refer to when attempting to enhance the shul experience for this section of its constituency.
I know too many mothers who stay home on Shabbat morning or only make it to shul for musaf because they find that the shuls do not tolerate or involve their small children inside shul and also do not provide proper childcare outside of shul. Mothers like me, along with their supportive husbands, who need this situation to change can suggest some of these ideas to their rabbis or shul boards. JOFA seems the natural forum in which to discuss this issue.
Does your shul provide any or all of the following?
- Staggered minyanim so that fathers and mothers can alternate between looking after their children and davening.
- A nursing room exclusively for breast-feeding mothers (including a closeable door, a comfortable seat, possibly access to some drinking water).
- Groups carefully designed for children of different ages. The youngest children need close supervision, toys and snacks. There should be age-appropriate davening, divrei Torah, berakhot and educational stories interspersed with games. This daycare should begin close to the beginning of tefillah time.
- Enthusiastic inclusion of children in the main tefillah (for instance, allowing children to accompany their father to the bimah for an aliyah, bringing children up to the bimah for Anim Zemirot and Adon Olam and allowing children to open and close the ark).
- Sensitivity to children in the way davening is conducted (the entire service should not be unnecessarily extended because children just cannot sit for such long periods of time).
- A separate minyan (or musaf service) designated for this part of the constituency, which does not mind the noise generated by children. Some shuls have Tot Tefillah for young children together with their parents.
Since not all shuls have the resources to accomplish many of the above suggestions, another possibility would be to have a toranut schedule, where several parents could alternate running a Shabbat morning program for the children.