The Initial Decision
Two summers ago, four months before my Bat Mitzvah, I started thinking about a hesed project that I could do. I had three criteria in mind: I wanted to actually do something and not just contribute money, I wanted it to be a cause that I understood and felt was important, and I wanted to really help. I looked for a cause that not many people know about or are helping. As I began looking up organizations on the Internet, I discovered that most of them already had B’nei Mitzvah programs. When I looked up JOFA, the Jewish Orthodox Feminist Alliance, its website didn’t mention such projects. That was the group for me!
I got a lot of help from JOFA, and especially from Rori Picker, then JOFA’s Program Coordinator, in getting organized. First, she helped me decide that my project should be about the agunah problem. My goal was to learn as much as I could about the history of the problem and the halakhic issues involved. I wanted to explore possible solutions to help women who are agunot and, most important, to find out what I could do to help. Rori sent me articles to read and arranged interviews for me with five people actively helping agunot. As I got more deeply involved in my project, I interviewed other people, including an agunah activist in England. As I read the articles, I was particularly interested in the approach taken by one of the authors, Rabbi Michael Broyde, and so I made contact with him and made a deal to interview him after I had read his book on the subject. In my Bat Mitzvah speech, I recounted the results of my research and outlined the approaches I explored to solve the problem.
What I Did
Raising Awareness: There are two main ways I tried, as part of my Bat Mitzvah, to raise people’s awareness that iggun is a serious problem in our community: first, by including the tefillah la’agunot in my Bat Mitzvah service, and second, by distributing to the guests at my celebration bracelets with a few names of mesar’vim or recalcitrant husbands inscribed on them. I encouraged the guests to wear the bracelets so that they, as well as other people who saw them, would be aware that there are real cases of iggun that affect the lives of real people. I also distributed a handout with descriptions of each of the cases.
Pressuring Husbands: I worked with two organizations and started working with a third to try to increase the pressure on husbands to give their wives a get. I requested donations in lieu of Bat Mitzvah gifts and raised a total of $6,000 to help ORA, the Organization for the Resolution of Agunot, which uses nonviolent ways to apply community pressure to convince husbands to give their wives a get. I encouraged JOFA to list the names of mesar’vim on their website and in their journal. In addition, I met with Gary Rosenblatt, the editor of the Jewish Week, and asked him to consider publishing the names of mesar’vim in the paper and on the website. I followed up by sending a letter to the editor, which appeared in the paper, publicly urging the Jewish Week to act.
Educating Couples: I learned from my research that it is much harder to solve an agunah problem once the couple has reached the end of their marriage. We have to do everything we can to help the women who are caught in this trap, but we have to do even more to help women avoid getting caught in the first place by always insisting on their using a prenuptial agreement. It is important to note that different prenup options exist so that every couple can find one that fits them. To encourage everyone to use a prenup, I spoke to my rabbi, Haskel Lookstein, about requiring a prenup before every wedding at which he and the other rabbis at Congregation Kehilath Jeshurun officiate, and I found out that Rabbi Lookstein had been using prenups for more than 20 years. In my Bat Mitzvah speech I asked all my guests to use a prenup before they got married, and for those married guests without a prenup, I explained that they could use a “postnup” covering the same situations.
Reflection
I was nervous before I started interviewing important people. Would they really take the time to answer my questions? Would they listen to my ideas? Or would they treat me like a little kid? I tried to be as prepared as possible for each interview and to listen carefully and ask good followup questions. I discovered that if I take myself seriously other people will take me seriously too.
Whenever people heard about the topic I had chosen for my hesed project, they initially seemed surprised that I was working on such an “adult” problem. However, once I told them more about it, they appreciated what I had already learned and expressed their support. After I spoke about the agunah issue at my Bat Mitzvah, many of my guests told me that they had learned something new.
When I started the project, I hoped I could actually help agunot and not just learn about them. But I wasn’t sure what could be done and whether I could do it. I discovered that if my ideas were good and I presented them well, people would accept them and do something about them. I realize now that one person can make a difference.
I already knew from my parents and my school that, as important as the Bat Mitzvah day is, the real meaning of the day is what happens next. I understood this lesson again during this project, because I realized that the work I have done so far is just a start. I plan to continue working on this project and trying to help agunot.