It was when I was four that my educational adventure began. I went to a nursery school where little girls and little boys played together. Those were the wild days—when we would play tag together and the boys and girls would hide in the same spot during hideand-seek. (There were even a few scandalous kissing chases around the classroom.) When it came time for first grade, I (sadly) parted from my nursery friends and made my way to Yavneh Academy, a coed elementary school in Paramus, New Jersey. Since that was the only yeshiva I’ve ever attended, it never crossed my mind that there were other schools out there that weren’t coed.
When it came time to choose a high school, however, I had to choose between two schools—one coed and one not. To be honest, when making my decision, I thought about the boys-versus-no-boys aspect only because I was told to. My friends made a fuss about it, and it was an obvious difference between the schools, so it naturally became a major factor in my decision. At that time, though, I had no idea what it meant, socially, academically, or religiously. In fact, I had never even been in a single-sex environment before, as I had always spent my summers in coed camps. So I began high school in my new single-sex environment merely with the thought that “this is kind of weird”—nothing more and nothing less.
Considering that I hae only attended a single-sex high school, I, of course, cannot speak firsthand of the distinctions between the two. I have, however, spoken in depth with many friends who attend coed schools, and with those who have attended both, about the pros and cons, and the similarities and differences, as we have tried to help one another understand each other’s experiences— and this has helped us each understand our own.
I’ll start with my own experience. Between eighth grade (which was coed) and ninth, I noticed one major difference. In a single-sex environment, girls feel less pressured in how they look, more comfortable around other girls, and more open to pursue hidden talents, to clothe themselves in the strangest things. Indeed, the moment I stepped into Ma’ayanot, my high school in Teaneck, it became clear that every day here would be a “dress up” or costume day. Dress up like monkey day, tree day, banana day.… When describing the atmosphere of a single-sex high school to a parent, one of my classmates explained that in her coed middle school she would look forward to gym class because that was the only time during the week when she was not with the boys. High school for her, she explained, was simply gym class all day long.
In our school’s all-girls environment, we have become more and more comfortable with our surroundings, and consequently, become more and more comfortable with ourselves. Because there is inevitably less social pressure, as the pressure associated with boys is simply nonexistent, we feel more willing to express ourselves to the fullest. There are no boys watching, no one to impress other than ourselves. I have found this to be exhilarating, and, at times, quite liberating.
This freedom, this willingness to be ourselves, carries over, I believe, into the classroom as well. The girls in my school are unafraid to ask questions, to share their insights, to present a project to the entire class, let alone the entire school. This lack of timidity in my classmates continues to astound me. At times, this lack of timidity in myself astounds me even more.
My friends who attend coed schools with both separate (e.g., for Talmud and other Judaic subjects) and coed classes have observed that girls in coed classes tend to let the boys take charge of the classroom, and are more hesitant to express themselves fully, whether in their opinions or their questions. In the all-girls classes, many of these same students suddenly participate in class discussions with enthusiasm and confidence.
Of course, as high school personalities differ vastly from one another, this generalization is not always the case. Many girls do carry over the confidence gained from the single-sex classroom to coed situations. My friends in coed schools have also noticed that many female students have a distinctly positive reaction to coed classrooms. Some find it empowering to take charge of a class discussion, especially in a coed environment. They strive to compete not only with the girls in their class, but with the boys as well, aiming to get the highest grades, to be the best student, and to conquer the classroom with all that it encompasses. For it is not only the girls who are impressed with their success, but, perhaps more satisfying, the boys as well.
As for those of us who attend completely single-sex schools, I have noticed in many, but certainly not all of my friends, that the eagerness to lead and to fully express ourselves subsides in coed environs and is replaced by a certain social anxiety. For some, I think this manifests itself in a sudden urge to be noticed. Many of my peers have confided in me that in coed situations they automatically revert to a “look at me” mode, anxious to be the center of attention. Others, though, naturally shy away from the spotlight, slightly uneasy, slightly uninterested.
I think that the reaction to coed environments differs greatly based on whether or not a girl has been in a single-sex environment her whole life. I have gone to coed camps since I was in sixth grade. These summers were the best in my life, a time for me to truly be myself, express myself to the fullest without hesitation. The coed environment has never stopped me from feeling so comfortable, so at home. It is an environment I’ve grown up with. Thus, when I started going to Ma’ayanot, it was so engrained within me that it still felt natural. For others though, who have not gone to coed camps for years, or, more significantly, who had not gone to coed elementary schools, I think that they do feel a sense of uneasiness.
This freedom, this willingness to be ourselves, carries over, I believe, into the classroom as well.
Aside from the academic and social aspects, there is, of course, the religious aspect. Even though it would be nice to believe that one type of school nurtures more spirituality than the other, that attending a coed school or an all-girls school leads to a stronger sense of religious self, I unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) cannot reach such a conclusion. In my view, it is all the different hashkafic and religious approaches of a school, not just whether boys and girls learn together, that foster the religious and spiritual growth of its students.
Of course now, as I am graduating from this singlesex environment and very soon moving on to the coed aura of the world, I naturally wonder if going to an all-girls school was the right decision for me—or, equally important, was it a choice deserving of so much consideration at all. To tell you the truth, throughout my high school years I rarely thought about it much. Now, however, as I reflect back and realize the role that single–sex education at Ma’ayanot has played in my development and maturation, I am unbelievably thankful for how it has furthered my growth and all that it has taught me, and exceedingly proud of— indeed, astonished by—the confidence that I have gained through it.